I don't feel guilty, I don't have any regrets....Is something wrong?! maybe! OK, soI havent been to church in weeks, more specific..like in 4 weeks now! Am I angry?! Naw, its just that, I have no motivation to go. I have been through quite a lot since I've migrated to this place. Some of my experiences have been good while others are not so great. I love God, no doubt about that. But, I'm fallen, if I don't catch myself I'm going to crash and burn! but none the less my God is gracious and ever faithful. At the moment I'm Listening to K-drama's song 'We still standing" its a very encouraging song and its speaking to my soul now. But back to my previous point, I have no regrets for not being at church,Is it the people that's turning me off? I have a whole lot of mixed feelings about church folks these days. I just don't feel alive, I felt like a piece of me has died or maybe its because..I've stepped away from the love of my life. Building a relationship is not easy, its hard work. I've been slipping up lately, the things I should be doing, I've somehow forsaken.Before any of you get the wrong idea, I'm still talking about God! He's the only true man in my life.
But anyway, I thought just popped into my head, I wonder what people think of me? I wander what they see in me that I possibly can't see in myself? My thoughts are a bit jumbled at the moment and i know the reason why...its because I'm slipping away. Each step one takes away from God, the closer one moves to death. I can feel it, somethings not right. I feel the distance between us, its killin' me and I know it grieves Him as well. I'm slipping! Don't get it twisted its not because I haven't been to church but its the mere fact that my heart has found a new love, my heart has been indulging in things that's taking the place of my God. I'm talking about idolatry!!! Yea, trust me a lot of Christians are guilty of it. I need to get back to that place with God, where each morning He drops a song or a word into my heart. Where, I Can feel His presence and talk to Him. I miss those times, that's what sin does it separates man from God. Now, I'm in a war. I have to once again fight my flesh so I can I run into the inner courts and straight into the arms of my Father. I'm slipping, but I must fight for the love of my King.
Nuff love,
Geek of theology
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